You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
