with your own penis?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
