Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
