"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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