Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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