Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
