can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
