i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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