Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
