After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
