it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
