Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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