do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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