I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
