i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
