no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
