The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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