They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
