He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
