tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
