Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
