On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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