remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
