It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
