He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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