fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
