You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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