her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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