Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
