whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
