Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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