mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
