so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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