I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
