The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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