dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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