We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
