I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
