Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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