dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
