My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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