What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
