If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
