You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
