Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
