hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I need a beard to bite.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
