I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
