I seem to have left my pride at pride
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
