I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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