mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
