I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
